BLOG: 8 Sexy Ways to Keep It Juicy Between You

Drift to the Default

Keeping things sexy in a relationship, especially over time, isn’t easy. It certainly doesn’t come naturally to most. The norm is to fall prey to the slow drift into the default sex life. The predictable sex life.

It can easily get dull, dry or even non-existent. Soon, what you once craved, becomes a chore. Then all of a sudden, one day you’re living more like roommates than lovers, embarrassed about the state of your relationship or the last time you had sex. Augh.

Have you noticed that what was once very sexy, has started to become routine or even less and less common until it's hardly happening at all? Lean in to Loving Better unless you want to become a sad story or worse a divorce statistic. 

Limiting Maps

When it comes to sex, most of us unconsciously form our boundaries of comfort and interests and stick pretty close to that limiting map.  That’s why it’s so easy for the passion to go kaput.  Things can get stale if you’re not paying attention. 

It's NOT Inevitable.

Drifting into the dry and dreary default relationship and sex life IS avoidable. Intimacy expert, Tziporah Kingsbury once said on our Fights Clean Sex Dirty show, “No matter where you are in your sex life right now, I PROMISE you, you’re just scratching the surface.” WHAT?! When she said that, it was mind-blowing. It was as if I had my first orgasm all over again. 

A whole new world of WONDERFUL opened up and the exploration was ON.  

Once you let go of the cliché notion that if you’ve been together a while that, “this is as good as it’s going to get, (and it’s only going to get worse from here).”, then you can LEAN IN and have some FUN up-leveling your sex life.

Let go of the all-too-accepted idea that “the best is behind you”. It’s NOT. At least it doesn’t HAVE to be. A happy, healthy and hot sex life IS possible, even after decades together.  

Great sex and the intimacy around it, is WAY too good to give up on. So don’t. 

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How Could it Get BETTER?

Why not switch out the thinking of  “what if this is as good as it gets?” with a more empowering, “how could this get even better?” Wouldn’t THAT be a juicy conversation? 

8 Timely Tools (Quick List)

1. Mini Seductions
   Tiny bids build big access. Sprinkle micro-moments of “I see you, I want you” throughout the day (flirty text, drive-by touch, compliment + eye contact) to build anticipation.
2. Initiate Inertia
   Momentum beats motivation. Don’t wait for the perfect mood—start with a 2% move (schedule a window, use a cue song, make a sweet no-pressure invite, or try a 10-minute warm-up).
3. Set the Stage
   Make it easy to say yes. Remove friction and add comfort (time buffer, cozy space, clear signal, no-pressure safety) so your nervous system can soften into receptivity.
4. Show Not Tell
   Let your body lead. Use clear, kind nonverbal signals (eye contact + smile, touch + pause, pull closer, guide a hand) to reduce awkwardness and increase desire.
5. Be Bold
   Brave + kind is irresistible. Ask for one thing, guide gently, praise what’s working, or request a tiny experiment—clarity is sexy when it’s caring.
6. Toward vs. Away
   Away is data, not rejection. Translate “away” into understanding (pause signal, comfort adjustment, return cue) so you don’t spiral into pursue/withdraw.
7. Post-Sex Pause
   Don’t rush the landing. Protect 60–90 seconds of afterglow (cuddle + breathe, one appreciation, hand on heart, soft eye contact) because it’s bonding glue.
8. Romp Recap
   Make the good stuff repeatable. Keep it warm and simple: “I loved ____,” “more ____,” “next time ____,” so you learn what works and build momentum for next time.‍
   

8 Additional Ideas to Keep things Juicy

There are ENDLESS ways to keep things juicy between you and your beloved. Here are a few of my favorite inspiring ideas and playful accessories for juicing things up between you in the bedroom and beyond.

• Pause the Predictable - Do the opposite of what you normally do, mix it up just for the sake of mixing it up. If one of you normally initiates, have the other do it. Try a different time of day, place or technique. Use a set of dice or a kinky truth or dare game. Whatever you do, do it differently than you usually do it. 
• Nurture Novelty - Don’t stop at NOT doing your usual. Do something you’ve never done!  If you’re not sure what your partner will be into, you can fill out a Will Want Wont list and pick something new you both want to try. BONUS: Take all of the new things you both want and put each on a separate piece of paper. Put them in a bowl, grab one out of go with it!
• Rev Up w Roll Play - A great way to do things differently is to not be you! That’s different. Try on an archetype. Get creative with characters and costumes. Create mystery, curiosity and new level of sexiness and fun with your favorite characters or personas. Check out this set of flash cards and pull out your favorites to try or go for this Come As You Aren’t game.
• Reveal What’s Been Concealed - Intimacy is INTO-ME-YOU-SEE so revealing your hidden thoughts and desires is deeply intimate. Release any shame or embarrassment.  Ask for that thing you want to do. Your desires means something good about you. Even those secret desires. Lean into what’s under the NEXT layer of you.
• Egg On the Anticipation - The build up itself can actually add a lot to the level of emotional and physical intimacy. Sometimes, the longer it builds, the stronger the orgasm. The tease can be tortuous, yet also delicious.  Take your time. Make time to be undisturbed and undistracted. Let go of the rush. Enjoy the exploration of the slow build to bliss.
• Lay On the Lube - It wouldn’t be a Keepin’ It Juicy list without the lube, now would it? Make sure your picks are healthy for the body and tasty to the tongue. My two favorites are this incredible avocado oil and the uber awesome, uberlube lubricant. If you like the smell of chocolate, you’ll love this cocoa butter. These wonderful wafers start solid, then melt into magic sauce with the heat of your skin. 
• Let Yourself Loose - Oh to be yourself. Your naughty, nice, sacred, slutty self. Your ALL OF IT self.  Say what’s in that delightfully dirty mind of yours. Open up your throat and let the sounds out. Be ALL of you, your most freaky and free self - all while still honoring your beloved’s experience as well of course. 
• Get Ready to Gush - No one likes laying in a wet spot, so when you’re Keepin’ It Juicy, you might want to get in on some gear so you’re good to gush with glee.  From pretty rose circles to out of this world squares, these bold blankets are great to throw down before getting it on. If you want a designated love mop this one is fun, soft and super absorbent.

EXPLORE this list. CREATE your own. Test it out and EXPERIMENT with what is most sexy and fun for the two of you. Turn this into an ADVENTURE in up-leveling your intimacy, now and for years to come.

It IS Up to You

Keeping it juicy WON’T happen on its own. The drift of the default is real. 

The good news, bad news is YES, it IS up to you. You’re the only person who you can change. So do what YOU can do to make your sex life more enjoyable. Don’t be frustrated trying to get your partner to be different.  You can lead the charge to keeping it juicy between you!

The best IS yet to come IF you cultivate it.

It’s important to note that while it’s a great idea to lean in to where you can up-level your love life, Best-Ever-Sexy-Time and even just Keepin’ It Juicy is NOT something you can force to happen, especially WHEN you want it to happen.  Still you CAN set up the CONDITIONS for a best-ever experience to EMERGE. 

Explore how you can Keep It Juicy and call in your personal best-evers by stacking the cards in your favor with the Action Option below.

1. Review the list of suggestions for Keepin’ It Juicy and pick 2-3 options to explore or come up with new ideas.
2. Share the full list with your beloved as well as your top picks.
3. Ask your beloved what their top 2-3 picks are.
4. Pick one from each other’s top picks to try and try it!
5. BONUS: Pick one to surprise your beloved with.

Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,