BLOG: How to Make Talking About Sex Awesome, Not Awkward

Who Knew?

There’s sooooo much we are NEVER taught about sex and intimacy. I’m a love coach and have a Master’s Degree in Education, Counseling and Guidance and I STILL am amazed at the things I learn all the time about this juicy topic.

That’s why one of my favorite quotes about sex and intimacy is from Ztiporah Kingsbury. One one of our Fights Clean, Sex Dirty TV episodes, she said, “No matter where you are in your sex life, I PROMISE you, you’re just scratching the surface.”

WHAT?!

My mind was BLOWN.  It was like I had my first orgasm all over again. A whole new world opened up. A breathtakingly beautiful world was ripe with jaw-dropping delight and miraculous connection.

Ongoing Sex Ed

Sex education is NOT something that just happened in junior high. It is an ever-evolving exploration of yourself, your beloved and the synergy between each other’s fantasies, desires and needs.

The more you know about yourself and your beloved, the greater chance not only will both of your needs and desires get met, but you will find new frontiers BEYOND what you ever saw as possible.

Hiding your turn on is ultimately going to turn off the relationship. Keeping your true desire a secret is a recipe for resentment. Use this quiz to reveal what has been concealed. Confess what you crave because your desires mean something good about you and sharing them can bring you closer together.

The Erotic Blueprint Quiz

To learn more about yourself and your beloved at the foundation of your sexual core, there’s no better place to look than Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprint Quiz.

With the success of the Netflix docuseries, Sex, Love & Goop, the Erotic Blueprint quiz is getting A LOT of attention. It certainly got MY attention!

The Basics

Much like the popular book and theory about Love Languages and loving your beloved the way THEY want to be loved, the Erotic Blueprint Quiz opens doors to new levels of sex and intimacy by understanding how you and your beloved want to be loved up in the bedroom - or beyond it!

There are five erotic Blueprint types. Each type has a…

• Turn on
• Superpower
• Shadow

The 5 Erotic Blueprint Types

The SENSUAL type:

• Turn on:  Senses being ignited. Loves tastes, smells, beautiful setting, etc.  
• Superpower: Full-body access to orgasmic pleasure through sensations—it isn’t always a genital-focused orgasm.
• Shadow: Getting caught in your head. Room is not right, body is not right, etc.

The ENERGETIC type

• Turn on:  Anticipation, space, tease, longing, yearning.
• Superpower: Very, very sensitive, so it doesn’t take much to turn you on.
• Shadow: So much sensation that you short-circuit and shut down because it’s just too much stimulation.

The SEXUAL type

• Turn on: Nudity, genitals, orgasm, penetration.
• Superpower: usually turn-on is pretty easy: You can go from zero to sixty quickly.
• Shadow: Can get too focused on the genitals and too focused on the orgasm and too limited in their definition of what sexuality is, missing the journey.

The KINKY type

• Turn on: The taboo, power dynamics and/or sensation-based with intense sensation. It’s about what’s taboo for YOU.
• Superpower:  When allowed the freedom and safety to fully explore, they can also take their lovers to exciting new heights
• Shadow: You can feel shameful about it which can prohibit you from fully enjoying the pleasure.

The SHAPESHIFTER type

• Turn on: Everything the sensual, sexual, kinky, and energetic types are turned on by.
• Superpower: They can shapeshift to be an amazing lover to anyone.
• Shadow: The shapeshifter loves more, more, more. They’re not fed or feel like they’re too much. They’re starving because they’re shapeshifting to please others and not being fed themselves.

What’s YOUR type? Your beloved? It might be obvious, but you might be surprised by your own and your beloved’s results. Take the quick, fun, idea-stirring Erotic Blueprint Quiz and find out!

Help Me Help You

Now if you are the main person leading the charge to grow and develop in your relationship, that’s OK! Lead the way. Do it with honor. We are not all the same. Your beloved is good at a lot of things you're not too good at either, right?

If your beloved isn’t as enthusiastic as you are, take the quiz on your own and bring the results to them. “Guess what I learned about my erotic self today? I’ve got a type and so do you.”

See what kind of response THAT gets! Often they get inspired, curious and want to know what erotic type THEY would assess as. If they’re STILL hesitant, let them know it will help you to know how to help them to get their needs, desires and fantasies met. Whatever you do, just come from pleasure and not pressure.

Awkward to Awesome

Most couples don’t talk much about sex other than to complain about it. Even if we were taught about the “birds and the bees”, rarely did anyone grow up with any instruction on how to TALK to a partner about their needs,  desires and fantasies.

“Right on the edge of fear was where trust could grow.” —  Cherise Sinclair

This quiz and your erotic types are great handle rails to hold onto when  talking about your desires feels at all awkward or intimidating. Just share what you learned and what resonates as the most true for you. Take an awkward conversation and make it easy and awesome with this sexy conversation starter!

Lighten Up

ALERT! Lean into the leverage this quiz and these erotic types provide, just don’t get hooked into anything as being the TRUTH. Don’t get stuck in a label or put your beloved in a box.  This is about exploration and communication, not any particular label.

Being significant leads to withholding, hiding out and just avoiding the issue - which only makes it worse. Lightening up about it all and having some explorative fun in the realm of passion and desire is a recipe for engagement and evolution.

Date Night Fodder

My husband and I had a date night coming up so I suggested we take the quiz before dinner as fun fodder for our conversation that night. Testing out the quiz together with a little sexy-time research to stir the passion pot…

It was quick, fun and EYE-OPENING. Not to mention super hot!

One of the BIG bonuses of taking this quiz and talking about our types is that now that we know so much more about each other’s turn ons, superpowers and shadow types. There’s less mystery, stigma, embarrassment. There’s more understanding, ease and anticipation.

Knowledge is power as they say and wow was the impact powerful. We’ve been together sixteen years and that date night we did the quiz we had FIVE best evers  / never-happened-before experiences!

Sexy-Time Hero

Be your own sexy-time hero. Be courageous with understanding, expressing and exploring what you crave.  As long as you don’t give up hope and you engage in informed and inspiring ACTION, then you will triumph. The only way to lose THIS Game is to not play at all. So PLAY with passion and pleasure.

Know what turns you on and how to talk about it. Read up on your type as well as your beloved’s for what specifically are your turn-ons, superpowers and shadows.

Take this deliciously illuminating quiz today and explore how YOU can cultivate erotic passion and get more pleasure out of your relationship and life now.

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• Take the Erotic Blueprint Quiz (With your beloved taking it as well or doing it on your own).
• Share your type with your beloved. Ask if they want to know what you discovered about your turn-ons, superpowers and shadow today.
• Listen to your beloved’s type, IF they did one. Do not pressure them! Inspiration only.
• Name at least one way you can apply what you learned about your type.
• Make at least one declaration about what ACTION you will take to feed the needs of your type as well as your beloved’s type - IF they did the quiz.
• Have fun putting what you declared into action. Engage and explore. The only way to lose this Game is to not play at all!
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Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,