BLOG: The Hot & Bothered Back Seat Driver

Raj and I are all about taking a lighter approach to ending conflict and increasing intimacy.

We know that bringing play to every part of our relationship, even our conflicts, has been the single quickest, most effective, always-have-it-on-you solution to any of our relationship unrest.

Let’s take the all too common argument about driving.

Nearly every couple we have ever spoken to has had this issue at one point or another. Most roll their eyes and groan in uncomfortable recognition.

• “Slow down!”
• “Hurry up!”
• “You’re too close!”
• “Are you blind?”
• “Pay attention!”

It’s like fingernails on the chalkboard. Grating on both of you and certainly NOT very hot. It may even escalate into a full fight, and worse, just before you arrive at the restaurant to meet your parents for dinner. Yay!

Don’t Get Bothered, GET HOT & BOTHERED!

One day Raj and I were acting out this driving upset ritual and I snapped at him “You’re going to miss the exit!”

Usually he would snap back and we were off to the races to see who was more right and who was more wrong.

This time was different. This time he looked at me, tilted his head, smiled and said…

“Would you please say that another way? I call a Do-Over.”

I don’t know if it was the smile or the way he said please or do-over, but when he asked, I melted like a ice cream cone on a hot day.

In that moment of creativity and commitment to not allow ourselves to live in little upsets all the time, the Hot & Bothered Backstreet Driver tool was born.

I realized I was irritated and BOTHERED by his driving habits and in a flash, I had the bright idea to get HOT and bothered instead!

I put on my sexiest face, puckered my lips, used my most sultry voice and said…

“Oh Raj… oooooh Raaaaaaaaj…take this exit! This one! This one now! Yes! This exit! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

We both burst into laughter – and we have NEVER had that argument again. If I find myself bothered, I simply shift into Hot & Bothered.

It makes us laugh every time and often it even gets a rise out of Raj if you know what I mean. It’s a VERY different vibe than the tension and negativity of my backseat driving before.

The day is long enough. Full of so many stressors, and energy drainers – Be each other’s safe havens. Avoid tension and have fun. Whether it is in the car, the kitchen the bedroom or any where you go in your relationship – lighten up, laugh a little. Let HUMOR HEAL.

1. The next time you notice yourself in a "bothered" backseat driver communication, stop yourself.

2. Take a moment to shift out being "bothered" and into being "Hot and Bothered."

3. Get your sexy on and communicate what you were bothered about in a sexy, sultry way - get into it... BE the shift!

4. Each time a "bothered" backseat driver communication comes out of your mouth - REPEAT steps 1-3.

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Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,